Everyone who reblogs this will get a shitty pickup line in their ask box. Everyone.

(Source: thundercatsgooo, via anrkiss)

bangbots:

quatral:

askahomestuckfanatic:

I FOUND IT AGAIN YES

i was scrolling and i nearly had a subliminal heart attack when i saw it.

reblog always

(Source: iraffiruse, via anotherdayconquered)

thetallblacknerd:

I find it comical when women think I care about

Stretchmarks
If one titty is slightly bigger than the other
Birthmarks
Fat areas
Bumps or discoloration
Cellulite
Sweat
Morning breath
Human flaws

If I have you naked in front of me and I am naked too, the only thing on my mind is where am I putting my mouth first

(via angryblackman)

forever-dirty-minded:

Let me be your:

7am morning fuck before you go to work

Midday text, letting you know that you’re on my mind

5pm cuddle after a long days work

11pm rough fuck as i pound away the frustrations of your day

2am soft whisper in your ear, as i tell you “i love you”

(via aboveallislove)

siphersaysstuff:

skillzyo:

so yeah

saw something on facebook that really pissed me off because I worked at McDonalds for three years. 

I wonder what percentage of people arguing against a minimum wage hike have never worked a fucking minimum-wage job in their life is.

(via yourface0ffendsme)

hate:

i’m so afraid of marriage like what if you marry someone and like have kids with them and then they decide they don’t love you anymore or something idk man but that shit is scary

(via annalisanicole)

australiansanta:

anonymous compliments are so cute like their only aim is to make you feel better, they dont want any respect or personal thanks, just the satisfaction knowing they made someones day, now how fricken cute is that am i right

(Source: australiansanta, via travelling-wanderer)

"Ask me a question"

ask.fm/RuuBelle

(Source: )

yungbiochemist:

I’m actually a nice person but I suffer from chronic bitchface. there is no known cure or treatment for this affliction, other than smiling all the goddamn time and no one has time for that

(via xfvckk)

"

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

"

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via pihanga)

(Source: feellng, via xfvckk)

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